Birthing Problems
by Jude Morgenstern
Summary: Cana is giving birth to her and Laxus' first child and things ensue. bad summary but a fun oneshot that will leave you laughing. request for Aslan9001. as always read, reveiw and enjoy!


A/N: ok, I just had to get this fic out of my head before I started writing my other stuff and due to a lot of unforeseeable circumstances this is all I could manage this week. Hopefully I'll be able to churn out more as the week goes on. For my magic merge fans the new chapter and the extra chapter will be out by the end of this week hopefully. If there are any other problems check my profile page, I put any updating issues up there. So anyways this is a review fic for Aslan9001 so I hope this was to your tastes

As always read, review and enjoy!

p.s. Review peoples!

-Jude

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairytail

Polyrusica slammed down the platter of sliced fruit on the table, giving Cana a curt look before quickly pacing into the adjoining room. Laxus chuckled from his place splayed out over the chair opposite Cana. She rolled her eyes, kicking his leg under the table. Looking down at the food offered to her, guilt beginning to form in the pit of her stomach. Cana sighed, her gaze drifting back to Laxus' bored expression.

"You know, I feel kinda bad," Cana said, picking up a piece of pear between two fingers. Laxus rolled his eyes in his typical fashion.

"Don't be stupid, it's not your fault she's crazy." Laxus muttered, his eyes glancing over her swollen abdomen, concern creasing his face. Cana opened her mouth as if to start arguing but Laxus quickly cut her off. "Look, you refused to go to the hospital, and it's not as if it's your fault she doesn't like company so stop stressing over stupid shit you can't do anything about." Laxus said, running a tense hand through his blonde hair. Cana raised an eyebrow, a smug grin tugging at her lips.

"You know if I didn't know you better I'd say you were worried." Cana said smugly, her thick brunette hair swaying as she tipped her head to the side, taking him in. He was definitely more worried than he was letting on, it was obvious from his reaction to her refusal to go to Magnolia hospital and then his insistence to stay with her at the 'Old Hag's' place until the birth. He really was a sweet heart, though he'd probably laugh at her if she said something, but she could always blame it on the hormones. The thought caused her to giggle, earning her a confused look. She extended a hand, sliding along the table top, the pears sweet juice still clinging to her fingers. Laxus reached across, entwining his fingers with hers and bringing her hand to his face, kissing her palm softly before resting it against his cheek.

Cana studied his face, the now ever present crease between his eyebrows, his elegant scar, his beautiful blue-grey eyes that were so fierce yet so soft, all of which drew her closer, subconsciously leaning forward to lightly rest her lips on his. She pulled back after a few moments; eyes closed lightly, a soft smile on her lips. "Don't worry Sparky, everything is going to be fine. Soon you, me and the little bug zapper are going to be back at our place with my fuzzy slippers and your secret stash of vodka behind the fridge before you know it." Cana said quietly, her cool fingers smoothing out the persistent crease between his brows but she couldn't help but grin as his eyes flew open at her mention of his secret stash- so she knew the entire time. He wanted to make it as easy for her to quit alcohol seeing as it obviously wasn't an option while she was pregnant. Of course she didn't really need any help seeing as despite most peoples insistence she was an alcoholic, booze was just a pass time for her. Although her vow never to drink while their child was in her care was a bit of a surprise. Memories of that night, curled up on their bed, hand pressed to her belly, their child moving beneath her skin. But now it was different, then the nightmare of her giving birth was a long way off, a distant thought that could easily be avoided but right now their child was about to be born, any day now, Cana would have to go through the most painful thing known to mankind, or should he say womankind, either way there was going to be a lot of pain, blood and screaming, all because of him. He could have prevented this but he didn't, and now Cana was forced into this. There was also the chance of something going wrong, maybe the child would die because of a complication, the idea of Cana dying was just something too painful to consider. He'd protected her from bandits, monsters, and all manner of other evil-spawn threatening her but right now with his child inside her…

Cana's forehead came to rest on his, her nose brushing against his. "We're going to be fine Laxus- all of us." Cana whispered, her thumb tracing circles on his cheek.

"Cana…" he said lamely, terrified of what was about to come next. She was already a few days late, after a few more days the Old Hag said she'd have to induce labour. Like hell she was going to induce anything! If his child didn't want to leave Cana just yet, which was completely understandable, then that would have to be enough. But then again the idea of a C-section; their child being ripped from Cana's stomach in a hospital room with blood everywhere, Laxus swallowed loudly, the idea enough to make him nauseous.

"I know, I know, you, me and bug zapper are going to be fine." Laxus said, somewhat like a mantra, repeating the words she said every time he imagined the birth, he wondered how she knew what he was thinking. Cana smiled, confident she'd made at least a little bit of progress, then a thought occurred to her.

"How about we go for a little walk outside?" Cana offered, standing a little awkwardly, her sapphire blue dress billowing down over her swollen belly. Laxus quickly stood, a panicked expression on his face.

"Are you stupid? What if you start going into labour in the middle of the forest, what are we supposed to do then?" Laxus snapped, cutting off her route to the door. While his intentions were endearing being between Cana and her exit from the house she'd been pent up in for two whole days already was not the ideal place to be.

"I'm not bloody stupid, I won't go far, just a few loops around the cottage. I've been inside too long." Cana said, trying not to sound too irritated. She stepped forward and Laxus obviously unsure on how to dissolve the situation did the only thing that came to mind.

"Grams, quick!" Laxus called, hoping his Grandmother would help him in detaining her. The elderly woman had burst into the room expecting to see Cana in some form of trouble, instead she saw her grandson with arms spread out and eyes wide in panic.

"What is it?" she snapped, obviously impatient.

"Sorry, I just wanted to go for a little walk. I was feeling a little claustrophobic and Laxus was worried that it would be bad for me." Cana said politely, a little nervous around the woman despite Laxus' unreserved nature in bickering with her.

"Foolish boy, get out of her way." She snapped, storming forward to open the door.

"But what if something happens?" he snapped back, equally irritated.

"Like what? She gets attacked by dirt? God you've become ridiculous lately, it's as if you're the one giving birth." She snapped, knowing that would get on his nerves the most. Laxus groaned, if she was a man he would have challenged her to a fight already but last time he did that it didn't turn out very well. Cana giggled despite her attempts to quell it, walking towards the door which Porlyusica had expertly opened. "Look boy, it's better for the mother to be in the best state of mind before going into labour, so if she goes for a little walk now it might make a big difference in her state of mind going in and that will make a big difference." She snapped, her tone harsh but her words comforting. Cana had gotten better at reading their conversations, their tone meant nothing, body language was sometimes used to confuse but their words always gave them away. Laxus froze, he had tried to do something that would have possible made this entire fiasco worse- why couldn't he do anything right?

"Come on Sparky, let's look at the strawberries." Cana said with a grin, tugging his arm gently which immediately gave into the pressure.

"Sorry for making you worry." Cana said as they walked through the gate and up the path towards Porlyusica's cottage, the beaten down earth comforting under the soles of her feet, her fingers entwined with his once again, tying her to him, as if he was afraid she would disappear. Laxus gave a strained smile, opening the door and the soothing scent of lavender infected his nose causing him to groan much to Cana's amusement. But then it happened, her water broke, the one thing both of them had been secretly dreading. "Shit." Cana said without thinking, glancing up to Laxus' shocked face which was suddenly blacked out as Cana scrunched her eyes shut as pain ripped through her abdomen.

"Grams! Quick!" Laxus called frantically, eye's glued to Cana's face. The pain passed, leaving her short of breath, panic beginning to set in- this was happening, actually happening, and it was worse than she'd thought it would be. She came to a quick conclusion, although she wanted Laxus there with her, holding her hand, she didn't want him to see her like this, she didn't want him to think of this when he saw their child. Soon Porlyusica was there, obviously having seen that expression on many women's faces she directed Cana towards the area in the corner they had designated for the birth. Cana slowly sat down with Laxus' strong arm guiding her, obviously worried, her expression must have given away too much, but then again it always did when it came to him. She'd have to calm him down and tell him, but first she'd need a plan to keep him there.

"Laxus, can you pass me Gildarts' card?" Cana asked, her tone her usual self, adding sweetness would only make him suspicious, plus she'd need to get this over quickly. Polyusica had told her the pattern with contractions but at this point she really couldn't care less, all she knew was that she needed to get Laxus out of here quickly. Laxus obediently quickly searched her deck, handing her the card. She flowed the little amount of magic she was allowed to use in this state into it and the cartoon of her father began to jiggle. She thought of how Laxus secretly had the card mended but she pushed it away and turned back to Laxus' concerned face, out of habit reaching up to smooth out the crease between his eyebrows. "Listen, I don't want you to see me like this, ok, so could you please wait outside? I'll be fine with just Porlyusica-san." Cana said, the lie coming out so smoothly she could almost believe it. Laxus had suspected something like this might happen.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said, his resolve as hard as iron. He knew her too well to know that she wanted him there, she'd want him to hold her hand like he did when they were young, she needed people to support her and he was going to be that person this time, running wasn't an option even if she asked. "I know you're worried about me but everything's going to be fine because you, me and the bug zapper are going to be at our place before you know it." Laxus said and this time he believed every word, his smile as relieved as the time she said 'I do' at the alter in Kardia Cathedral. Cana seemed to read something in his expression that made her determination falter but then another 'contraction' assaulted her. Gritting her teeth she scrunched her eyes shut, her hand reaching for his which was suddenly within her grasp. After a moment the contraction passed and Cana immediately opened her eyes to see Laxus wincing, something she'd never seen before. At first she was afraid he was wincing because of her reaction to the contraction but after a second she followed his line of sight to where she had his hand gripped tightly in her own, his fingers turning a reddish-purple colour. Cana chuckled, releasing his hand from her grip.

"Fine," she sighed "but you're dealing with Gildarts when he makes his appearance." Cana said, watching her favourite scowl settle over his face.

Gildarts sat at the bar, smiling flirtatiously at the newest barmaid, her name was something beginning with C or K, but they sounded the same so what was the big deal anyway?

"You know I never would have picked you for a mage, what kind of magic do you use?" Gildarts asked, allowing his eyes to roam over her body, a fact she seemed to notice all too well.

"I use hormone magic, I create hormones in people and animals to make them do things. Like if you continue to stare at my chest I could create a hormone in your body which would mean that neither of us have a dick." She replied sweetly, leaning forward seductively to push her chest forward, her bust almost spilling out of her already too tight top. Gildarts almost choked on his drink, eliciting a laugh from Macao, Makarov and Waccaba beside him. Gildarts was about to utter a retort when his pocket came to life.

"Help! Help! Help!" The tiny Cana on the card said as she jiggled. The colour drained from Gildarts face as he stared at the card in his hand.

"Fuck…" Gildarts muttered under his breath as Makarov placed a hand on his shoulder.

"So Cana's finally gone into labour huh? I'd hate to be Laxus right now." Macao said with a snigger, sipping from his beer. Waccaba chuckled at his friends joke, taking another sip of his own beer. Gildarts groaned, shoving the card back into his pocket as it slowly deactivated, resting his forehead on the bar.

"Don't worry Gildarts, I'm sure everything will be fine." Levy said happily as she stepped up to the bar, black haired toddler squirming in her arms. The little boy's fists were scrunched up in protest, scowling at his cheery mother. "One juice please Yuko." Levy ordered, turning back to her son. "You'll have your juice soon Met, just wait a sec." she said, brushing back a strand of his hair that was hanging into his eyes.

"Naaaw Levy, why did you have to get Met a juice for?" Natsu complained, two pink haired boys clinging to their father "Now they want one. I swear you're doing this nice-mum thing on purpose, just to get at me." Natsu said, narrowing his eyes as three juice bottles appeared on the counter, ominously disappearing into three pairs of little hands. Gildarts barely paid any attention to the young parents and began banging his head on the bar.

"What's your problem old man? Get rejected again?" Nastu asked, chuckling at his own joke. Levy placed her son on the ground who immediately walked forward to his playmates. With her now free hands Levy slapped Natsu's arm.

"Don't be so mean to Gildarts, he just got a big shock. He's going to be a grandfather!" Levy said, taking to her usual lecturing tone. Natsu's head tipped to the side as if he was confused.

"How'd he miss Cana's belly? I thought it was obvious she was gonna have a kid." Natsu said, giving a quick glance to the floor where his twin sons had disappeared. "Shit! Where'd those two go?" Natsu said, dropping to the floor to look for his troublesome boys- they were always doing something they weren't supposed to and getting him into trouble with Lucy.

"Jude and Igneel Dragneel, what on earth do you think you're doing?" Lucy's voice boomed across the guild causing Natsu to freeze. He heard tumbling and some guilty footsteps towards his wife's direction. He decided that from this angle she'd already have seen him so hiding was pointless so he reluctantly got to his feet.

"Hey Luce, how was… that place you went to?" Natsu asked, a nervous smile on his lips, eyes scrunched closed. Lucy let out a sigh, kissing her hopeless husband on the cheek.

"It was great, they finally got the colour nail polish I like." She said, then spared a look in Gildarts direction. "What's wrong with Gildarts?" Lucy asked and before Levy could answer Natsu cut her off.

"He didn't realise Cana was pregnant." Natsu said, hoping his quick answer would earn him brownie points but once again it was a failed effort.

"Natsu, that's not what I meant. Anyway Lu-chan, Cana's finally gone into labour." Levy said, glaring at Natsu.

"Oh." Lucy said, her expression surprised. "I hope Laxus is ok." Lucy said with a giggle, sitting her two boys on the bar to keep a better eye on them. Soon Met was next to them, blowing across the mouth of his bottle in order to produce a sound. Soon the twins were trying it out on theirs, completely oblivious to the adult's conversation.

"Well, are you two going to see them?" Asuka asked, her long black braid swaying as she took up a stool. Gildarts froze, not sure what to do.

"How long does it take?" Gildarts asked into the bench, his voice muffled.

"Hmmm," The three women said simultaneously, Erza reached down placing her blue haired daughter next to Met, the little girl's limbs covered in orange ink.

"It depends, but usually at least an hour and most a day." Wendy said, appearing between Levy and Lucy.

"What should I get her?" Gildarts asked, raising his head to take in the now four and a half women, a massive red mark covering his forehead. Asuka giggled, taking a sip of her soft drink.

"People got Luce flowers," Natsu offered, wrapping his arms around Lucy's waist, pulling faces at the children assembled before him.

"Yeah, flowers are sweet." Wendy said, nodding to emphasise her point. Gildarts wasn't sold and preceded to place a hand over his face. Makarov groaned, his arm growing as magic flowed through it, slapping him across the back of the head.

"If you wanted to get her something you should have chosen it already." Makarov snapped. "If you don't stop this juvenile pity party I'll leave without you and I'll explain to Cana why her father missed the birth of his grandchild." Makarov said, his threat making way for a mocking tone, grinning at Gildarts surprising stupidity. Gildarts glared, standing to walk to the guild door, Makarov matching his pace.

"You can be really annoying old man." Gildarts said, glancing at the man who had been there for him the most out of anyone. Now it was time for him to be that for his daughter. Makarov scoffed, a smile on his lips.

Gildarts could hear the yelling a while off, surprisingly it wasn't just Cana's voice he could hear. Even in childbirth the pair were bickering, could they get any more ridiculous?

"Breathe Cana" Porlyusica said calmly, constantly monitoring Cana's progress.

"Come on Cana! Do that stupid breathing shit, it'll make it easier!" Laxus insisted, wincing as her already bruising grip became harder.

"Nothing will make this easier you fucking idiot!" Cana snapped between groans.

"Now push." Porlyusica ordered, ignoring their constant arguing. "Stop, now breathe."

"Well I hope holding my hand has achieved something because it's bloody broken!" Laxus snapped, giving up on trying to defuse the situation.

"You're such a fucking pussy, I bet you wouldn't last giving birth." Cana snapped, before being cut off by Porlyusica's order.

"Push, you're nearly there." Porlyusica said, her arms disappearing behind the wall created by Cana's dress.

"Well you haven't bloody done it yet, so how would you know?" Laxus snapped, he was rewarded with her grip tightening once again and a blood curdling groan.

"Keep pushing, you're nearly there." Porlyusica ordered, hands ready to grab her great grandchild on its messy exit from the womb.

"Oh god.." Cana gasped, pushing with all her might, eye's scrunched shut. Laxus was distracted from the burning pain in his hand as Cana's stomach seemed to deflate a little and there was a strange sound and suddenly some very persistent crying.

"Laxus do you want to cut the cord?" his grandmother asked, the occasion one of the few times she'd ever used his name. Laxus nodded dumbly, leaning forward from his place next to Cana to clumsily cut the cord connecting his wife to his child. Cana's eyes were glued to the little girl squirming in Porlyusica's hands. Porlyusica expertly tied the cord, motioning towards the small bathtub she had set aside. "Hold your daughter, then you can give her first bath." The elderly woman said, shoving the small squirming object into his arms at which point Makarov and Gildarts decided to abandon their place laughing behind the door.

"Hi Cana-chan!" Gildarts said, beaming down at his daughter. "You did a good job." He said, walking over to sit next to her. Cana rolled her eyes, her hand sliding from Laxus' shoulder to Gildarts hand.

"Thanks for coming Dad, I really appreciate it." Cana said, eyes quickly turning back to the little thing in Laxus arms. Makarov was standing over him, tears in his eyes as he looked at his great granddaughter for the first time.

"You know I'm proud of you Laxus. Be a better father than we were." Makarov said quietly, his hand resting on Laxus' shoulder. Without looking away from his daughter, Laxus smiled.

"Thanks Gramps, I'll try." He said, any further words of endearment cut off by Porlyusica's return with the wooden tub.

"Great, more useless men, just in time for the afterbirth." She said sarcastically, turning her attention to Laxus. "Alright, do you want to give her the first bath or would you prefer me to do it?" Porlyusica asked, eyeing the blood covered infant.

"I'd like to do it." Laxus said quickly, glancing up at Porlyusica quickly before drifting back to his daughter.

"Fine. Gently lower her into the water." She said, barking out the order but she was obviously cautious, watching very carefully and touching him occasionally to make minor adjustments. "Now block her ears and gently rub the filth off her." She ordered, hovering close at hand in case of a problem. None arose and soon the little girl was wrapped up in a warm blanket.

With the afterbirth dealt with Laxus almost reluctantly handed her over to Cana who held her close, a look of awe on her face, one mirrored by Gildarts.

"Does she have a name?" Gildarts asked.

"Yeah, Cornelia Porlyusica Dreyar." Cana said softly, Laxus smiled at hearing his daughters name, leaning closer to the Dreyar women. Porlyusica's eyes widened in shock, she looked to Makarov who smiled at her, their bitter masquerade falling just this once. He raised his hand up, clutching hers. She didn't pull away, looking at the little girl who would have all five of them fawning over her she smiled for once in a long time. Maybe a Dreyar woman was what it took to break the Dreyar curse, how could she fall victim to it with so much love.


End file.
